Tolerance

[grifstar]

I felt like taking up this time (before I am forced to go to school..) to explain why I been feeling down lately. Most of it though has to do with previous events.

First of all, I'm getting really sick being blamed for every single fault that seems to happen. It seems like whenever something goes screwy for no reason, it's obivously my fault it happen. It's like I'm some sort of magnet for everyone's problems.

The other thing that has been bothering me is asking "for help". On the whole, I can deal through things rather well. But of course every now and then there does come a time when I do "want something". But why is it that whenever I do resort to that method I'm always thought of as begging, or even worse, spoiled?

I had another mood swing 2 days ago. I just hate it though, that everything I do is always takened in a negative way. And then people wonder why I'm always quiet and withdrawn. Well, what's the point if all I do is cause grief to everyone? If I ever really wanted to "hurt" somebody, I would have done so by now.

But I still find it strange my mom does that whole "you can tell me anything" speech, yet whenever I do tell something she jumps down my throat about it. It's literally a no brainer why I don't tell her how I feel or what I want. Because then she'll just turn against me and make me sound like some selfish greedy pig. Then I feel very guility about getting my way..


But maybe I am just a failure that can't do anything right.. That's why everyone hates me.. That's why everything I do is terrible.. That's why I'm never satisfied with myself.. That's why I beg.. That's why I'm better off not existing.. -_-

Comments

[galza.livejournal.com]

Blaaaaaah. You're silly. If you think mom hates you, guess again.. same goes for Mark and everyone else. You just give off an aura of carelessness and laziness.. thats what you project.. you give up too easy. Life isn't a prefect thing.. it challenges you every step of the way. I didn't get to where I was by waving a magic wand, honestly. It took my 4 years to even hash up the scheme of leaving.. and it hurt.. because I felt like I was a failure.. after all, 23 years old, still living with mommie.. my friends are graduating college.. all my talents are being wasted at an unfulfilling job.. wake up, do the 2 - 11 shuffle.. come home, sleep.. get up and do it again.. not even going to school.. didn't have focus in college.. and I ask myself.. is that it? Is this it for Danny? Is this all life is going to offer me? No sir.. I rose to the challenge and I broke those chains, and I made it. Everything seems to make sense now.. because this is what I was meant to do.. I wish I did this sooner.. the arrow was always on this path.. it was either this or nothing at all.

You're not useless.. you just need to discover your self worth. You'll learn it one day. Prefect worlds just don't happen.. they need to be made.. keep that in mind Ms Libra. Whatever you gotta do, go do it. -Tony talk- Make life good for yourself.

[galza.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah.. and to hell with everyone else!

[(Anonymous)]

Heh, I wonder about that.. I really do =/.

I guess part of my problem was that I was always told that "someday the day will come when..". So I waited for it. Then the next thing I know, poof, apparently that so called "day" just passed without me noticing. And then apparently I'm behind everyone because I was told to wait, but supposibly not knowing for how long.

I guess part of my failureness and being unsatisfied comes from jealousy. Because whenever I do try something, There's always somebody better than me by a milestone. Thus they get all this fame and glory, and I look like crap compared to them. I mean, nobody's perfect sure. But trying to find a strong point in yourself when everything is already taken and has a high score on them is another. Which is why I never really feel that motivative.. because what's the point in doing something if there's gonna be somebody else that always beats me? Which is also why i prefer being in smaller groups rather than being will million. It's weird though. because I WANT to be recognized, but i hate being in control of everyone.

~Jen (I love free time XP)