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Entry tags:
Tolerance
I felt like taking up this time (before I am forced to go to school..) to explain why I been feeling down lately. Most of it though has to do with previous events.
First of all, I'm getting really sick being blamed for every single fault that seems to happen. It seems like whenever something goes screwy for no reason, it's obivously my fault it happen. It's like I'm some sort of magnet for everyone's problems.
The other thing that has been bothering me is asking "for help". On the whole, I can deal through things rather well. But of course every now and then there does come a time when I do "want something". But why is it that whenever I do resort to that method I'm always thought of as begging, or even worse, spoiled?
I had another mood swing 2 days ago. I just hate it though, that everything I do is always takened in a negative way. And then people wonder why I'm always quiet and withdrawn. Well, what's the point if all I do is cause grief to everyone? If I ever really wanted to "hurt" somebody, I would have done so by now.
But I still find it strange my mom does that whole "you can tell me anything" speech, yet whenever I do tell something she jumps down my throat about it. It's literally a no brainer why I don't tell her how I feel or what I want. Because then she'll just turn against me and make me sound like some selfish greedy pig. Then I feel very guility about getting my way..
But maybe I am just a failure that can't do anything right.. That's why everyone hates me.. That's why everything I do is terrible.. That's why I'm never satisfied with myself.. That's why I beg.. That's why I'm better off not existing.. -_-
First of all, I'm getting really sick being blamed for every single fault that seems to happen. It seems like whenever something goes screwy for no reason, it's obivously my fault it happen. It's like I'm some sort of magnet for everyone's problems.
The other thing that has been bothering me is asking "for help". On the whole, I can deal through things rather well. But of course every now and then there does come a time when I do "want something". But why is it that whenever I do resort to that method I'm always thought of as begging, or even worse, spoiled?
I had another mood swing 2 days ago. I just hate it though, that everything I do is always takened in a negative way. And then people wonder why I'm always quiet and withdrawn. Well, what's the point if all I do is cause grief to everyone? If I ever really wanted to "hurt" somebody, I would have done so by now.
But I still find it strange my mom does that whole "you can tell me anything" speech, yet whenever I do tell something she jumps down my throat about it. It's literally a no brainer why I don't tell her how I feel or what I want. Because then she'll just turn against me and make me sound like some selfish greedy pig. Then I feel very guility about getting my way..
But maybe I am just a failure that can't do anything right.. That's why everyone hates me.. That's why everything I do is terrible.. That's why I'm never satisfied with myself.. That's why I beg.. That's why I'm better off not existing.. -_-