Tolerance

[grifstar]

I felt like taking up this time (before I am forced to go to school..) to explain why I been feeling down lately. Most of it though has to do with previous events.

First of all, I'm getting really sick being blamed for every single fault that seems to happen. It seems like whenever something goes screwy for no reason, it's obivously my fault it happen. It's like I'm some sort of magnet for everyone's problems.

The other thing that has been bothering me is asking "for help". On the whole, I can deal through things rather well. But of course every now and then there does come a time when I do "want something". But why is it that whenever I do resort to that method I'm always thought of as begging, or even worse, spoiled?

I had another mood swing 2 days ago. I just hate it though, that everything I do is always takened in a negative way. And then people wonder why I'm always quiet and withdrawn. Well, what's the point if all I do is cause grief to everyone? If I ever really wanted to "hurt" somebody, I would have done so by now.

But I still find it strange my mom does that whole "you can tell me anything" speech, yet whenever I do tell something she jumps down my throat about it. It's literally a no brainer why I don't tell her how I feel or what I want. Because then she'll just turn against me and make me sound like some selfish greedy pig. Then I feel very guility about getting my way..


But maybe I am just a failure that can't do anything right.. That's why everyone hates me.. That's why everything I do is terrible.. That's why I'm never satisfied with myself.. That's why I beg.. That's why I'm better off not existing.. -_-

Comments

[galza.livejournal.com]

Blaaaaaah. You're silly. If you think mom hates you, guess again.. same goes for Mark and everyone else. You just give off an aura of carelessness and laziness.. thats what you project.. you give up too easy. Life isn't a prefect thing.. it challenges you every step of the way. I didn't get to where I was by waving a magic wand, honestly. It took my 4 years to even hash up the scheme of leaving.. and it hurt.. because I felt like I was a failure.. after all, 23 years old, still living with mommie.. my friends are graduating college.. all my talents are being wasted at an unfulfilling job.. wake up, do the 2 - 11 shuffle.. come home, sleep.. get up and do it again.. not even going to school.. didn't have focus in college.. and I ask myself.. is that it? Is this it for Danny? Is this all life is going to offer me? No sir.. I rose to the challenge and I broke those chains, and I made it. Everything seems to make sense now.. because this is what I was meant to do.. I wish I did this sooner.. the arrow was always on this path.. it was either this or nothing at all.

You're not useless.. you just need to discover your self worth. You'll learn it one day. Prefect worlds just don't happen.. they need to be made.. keep that in mind Ms Libra. Whatever you gotta do, go do it. -Tony talk- Make life good for yourself.

[galza.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah.. and to hell with everyone else!

[(Anonymous)]

Heh, I wonder about that.. I really do =/.

I guess part of my problem was that I was always told that "someday the day will come when..". So I waited for it. Then the next thing I know, poof, apparently that so called "day" just passed without me noticing. And then apparently I'm behind everyone because I was told to wait, but supposibly not knowing for how long.

I guess part of my failureness and being unsatisfied comes from jealousy. Because whenever I do try something, There's always somebody better than me by a milestone. Thus they get all this fame and glory, and I look like crap compared to them. I mean, nobody's perfect sure. But trying to find a strong point in yourself when everything is already taken and has a high score on them is another. Which is why I never really feel that motivative.. because what's the point in doing something if there's gonna be somebody else that always beats me? Which is also why i prefer being in smaller groups rather than being will million. It's weird though. because I WANT to be recognized, but i hate being in control of everyone.

~Jen (I love free time XP)

[galza.livejournal.com]

Wait for that day when things happen? -tilts head- How's tellin ya to wait?

Wait till you hear about my prophecy.. You'll understand somethin new about me.. I'll post it eventually.. probably not tonight though.

Ahh, so thats the root of it then? .. There's always someone better, it's something your going to have to get used to. But ya know, in the end, skills mean nothin. It's how you contribute that matters. Also how you see yourself more than anything. If you see yourself as a bottomfeeder, then so shall be your fate.. I says, quit worrying about impressing people. Perhaps thats more of an insecurity problem for you more than anything.

Aye, but it was the same for me once too.. yes it was. Insecure times you're in, yes.. it happens to the best of us, honestly. All I can say though, at this point you need to get over that ego. It's not doin ya many favors. You have a great artistic skill, you're just too stubborn to see it.. infact I don't doubt you can surpass me in skill.. you're so much better than I was when I was your age. Does that make me jealous? Not the slightest. Does that mean you're in control of me? Hells no..

Some quote from a video game.. Fire Emblem to be exact.. one of Mathew's quotes to Guy.. not that you know who these guys are.. but you could learn somethin from it.

MATTHEW: Hey...Guy. Back in Sacae you were saying you wanted to become the
strongest knight of all. Is that your dream... or your goal?
GUY: Huh?
MATTHEW: If it's a dream, then be done with it. There are plenty of dreamers
with swords. Plenty stronger than you, plenty with more talent...
To be the strongest, you have to beat them all.
GUY: I-I know that!
MATTHEW: What will you do when you hit your wall? that one opponent you'll
never be able to beat?
GUY: ...
MATTHEW: When you hit that wall that you just can't get over... That's when
you'll realize. You're not special. You're a bit player, one of
the masses.
GUY: ...
MATTHEW: Most people give up then. They realize they're not young anymore,
they don't have talent. They think up some excuse why they don't
have to try. That's how they go on with their lives.

At this point YOU (ie Guy) is supposed to say..

GUY: B-But I'm different! I won't end up like them! As long as I live,
I'll keep fighting!
MATTHEW: I see... Then, best of luck, Guy. I'm rooting for you.
GUY: Eh...?
MATTHEW: You're to become the best knight in Sacae, right? Then you'd best
beat me one of these days. And you'll have to get stronger to do
that.
GUY: Of course! I will!