Requiem of Gemini

I feel torn again. I'm not very sure what I actually want to do, career wise. Actually, in the last few months (probably longer than that) I don't really feel like being an 'animator' anymore. Lately I been actually thinking about being a writer, or graphic novelist (comics)... or programer..

I officially never want to drive again, now that people have scarred me for life on it. I really hate those people who did that to me(then again I already had several grudges), since I was looking forward to it. Even though it was only one person actually.. but never again, never again. Of course I'm still going to have manage somehow tomorrow though.

I really do hate it when people whine when they can't have it their way.. That's probably the only thing I rrealy dislike about Central. People there act worse than preschoolers. I think zoo monkeys obey better than them. And for what reason? Seriously, being an ass isn't gonna make the day go faster.. Maybe if I stab them in the throat with a pencil will they learn to shut up and not make things annoying for others... Murder should be legal, so many people are just asking for it. If I hear one more cd player or any horrible rap song I just might.. I'm actually not afraid of the consequences of it..

Must kill something now...

Seriously, why the hell do people obess over such things? Even more so, why the hell do people get angry over it? Lately all I hear is "OMG I so-and-so likes me and I like him, but now he's leaving but still wants to be together but now I hate him for still wanting to be together" X.x;;... Someone try to explain that to me, please? Because I appearently don't understand the language of airhead idiocy. Let alone the fact that people who whine about being 'lonely' because they have no 'significate other' have no actual common sense to me, or self-esteem for that matter.

Also my art class is making me rather bitter. Which was partially why I didn't want to take an art class to begin with. Because the teacher appearently doesn't really know the true meaning of 'art'. Instead all it is is just having to make random pictures in styles that we extremely hate. I don't believe art should be forced into a certain style. It's like taking a thristy horse to a river and force it not drink anything, or just a certain amount. Of course, the first thing that comes to mind to an art teacher is probably abstract stuff that supossibly represents that artist in some way. Basically if your 'peice' has no depth feeling, you can't call it art. Well dammit, I like to draw what I want to draw. I don't want to follow any style that some European guy made just because it's famous. I want to follow my own rules. It comes to show you that even with the most freest(?) skill to have, there is still stereotypes and appearently limits

And that's why I don't think art should really be a class, more rather self taught. However, there is a fine line between a class and just pointers/advice. However, even I try to improve by looking at some other styles, maybe see something in preticular that I might later use a basing. But I would consider that self taught because one, you take your own time to do it, and two, it's not a direct style after you finish(unless, you absolutely want to O.o). Even if there was a special style that was 'flavorful' to you, you surely would have noticed it LONG before you took a class. Same goes for if you want to paint, charcoal, clay, regnew, you SHOULD have had the enough knowledge to know if it's a favorite of ours. As for me, paint and charcoal smeres easily (not to mention messy as hell), I suck at 3d models, and I personally think crayons, markers, and colored pencils ruins pictures and make them sometimes seem like 3rd grade show and tell projetcs. So I'll stick to plain pencil art/computer editing, thank you very much.



Oh yeah, I got addicted to Broken Angel.. Who would have thought that turning lamposts and signs into spears/lances and swords (and large cannons =P) to slice up mutant animals and bandit people would be so... entertaining XP. Still playing Arcadia a bit though, heh. Both are addicting acutally right now..

Last day of school for me. Should I be happy? I would be if some technical difficulties didn't seem to pop up.

Here we have, finals. Last day of my existence there. It's brunch, one more period and school would be over. Guess what? I have to magically get signares and current grades from all my classes in only 20 minutes when two of the teachers aren't even there and one refused to even look at it until I took my final and would have to wait till after school in loose my ride home.. Would like me to also find a cure for world hunger and discover how to program VCRs while I'm at it ^_^? So yes, I'm pissed. Since because of this idiotic planning, I'm kinda stuck between attending that school and not belonging to any program at all. Plus, I couldn't possibly complete it. In other words: I'm currently lost in paperwork. Had they been less airheaded and actually thought "Hey, there's no way someone can do all that in such a breif moment, let's give it to them earlier in the week." Instead, "Gee, let's make it some that they can't possibly get transferred and give them the paper on the very last day, haha, we are so nice."

Maybe if I'm lucky enough all that will be straightened out by tomorrow. If someone blames me for all this crap.. I'm not even gonna bother to describe my anger..

Also I offically want to murder the Mexican people on my nieghbor's roof since they refuse to shut up and sing very out of key...



Also I've heard that the FMA game does NOT have a Japanese option... Damn you video game Nazis.. Damn you all to hell!

Now if you excuse me, I'm going murder Squarenix and the people at my school board in their sleep now.

I can only hope that I can leave my school much sooner than expected. When I think it's horrible, it seems to get even worse..


"Jennifer....

gosh this year is going by so extremely fast... ahh!!! anywaz I just want to tell you to never give up at anything you do. Follow all your dreams any remember to always live your life to the fullest and as you! never change for any one a boy, a friend or even family member!!! Your such a great person and have a really great futre headed for you! Remember keep u're head up... never frown because never know who's falling in love with your smile =)...."

^ idiotic note someone I don't know gave to me, word for word(was also writen in a horrible hot pink marker).. Appearently one of my stalkers. I still don't know how they got to know that name. The evil cursed name that I officially refuse to go by... But most likely someone else told them.. Still, I couldn't help but bust out laughing when I read it.

Also there was appearently some matchmaker survey. Which was had to have been the stupidest thing ever. Oh yes, you can have SOO much in common if your the same height and hair color. And appearently everyone has an obession for cars in a certain brand and going on dates and movies.. Such asinine questions. Most likely if anyone was to match mine they would probably be some 'nerd' pretending to be cool by watching overrated things like Monty Python, LOTR, and Spaceballs (though I would admit, Spaceballs does have quite a few laughs..), and listen to horrible metal and rock and obessed with Magic and playing cards. Nerds humor me sometimes. Most people think of thick-glasses white shirt guys with braces and acne when they hear the word 'nerd'. Yet really, I believe they have evolved into something probably just as worse.

And my santuary of sanity has been invaded by people making out, everyday x___x;;. For god's sake people: GET A FREAK'N ROOM. I do not wish to see you people having your faces constantly into one and another. I hope they all get AIDS and die slow and plainfully. Or I can make it easier and stab them several times with my pencil... That would be most entertaining.


I swear, people are just provoking my anger. I feel like wanting to punch the next person in the face that asks me to be thier friend, or some other annoying remark. Meh, bah at suspension, I want to leave there anyway. I still fail to see how temporarly banning someone from school in really a punishment..

Some dimpshit at school wasn't paying much attention to where they were going. Or who/what was in front of them. So they instantly opened a door right when I was crossing by. Thus, I was attacked by the door. However sure enough the door knob was on the same level to my elbow. And so I got jabbed a door knob in probably one of the worse places on my arm. Ever since then my right arm aches whenever I try to bend it in a certain direction. In fact it usually hurts to move it at all, even to type. Stupid idiot.. She probably didn't even realise that she hit me -_-. I shall hunt that person down for not being so careful..

Good thing I'm left-handed though. Otherwise this would be a much bigger problem. It sucks when you can only move one arm.. I feel so handicaped and limbless *gonk*

Which also sucks too because it's difficult to draw.. In which I was hoping to do today. Since I rediscovered my old sketchbook, hurzah.

(Still want to see that movie, heh)

Gah, appearently bad luck as decided to curse me this day.. Why? Because the world hates me already, most likely. Either that or it's the side effect from the voodoo-cursings I did to people I loathe.. Wait, maybe I shouldn't have said that o.o;.


Couldn't even sleep last night. Keep waking up about every hour. Most likely from the sore throat, plus my legs kept going numb. Finally got up around 6:30am, which is usually eariler than I usually get up around for school. Also appearently the numbingness of my legs made them really sore as well.. Which made walking be a problem as well.

Due to the annoying sorefulness that made it impossible to even talk without killing myself, I decided to make hot chocolate to try to burn it away. Got some milk, it smelled funny. Checked date and sure enough, it was already going bad 2 weeks ago o.o;. Couldn't find any other milk cartons, seeing how I actaully hate milk thus RARELY use it. All I could find was a low fat/carb one hiding somewhere. But it was still fresh, used that.

So then I try heating it up. Wasn't really sure how long to heat it though, didn't want it too hot when it would burn my entire mouth, but not too cold where it wouldn't have any effect. In which it did ended up a little too hot, and I burnt my tongue on it... However it did cure the sore throat, huzrah for that.

Finally I leave for the bus. Of course, I didn't realise that my MP3 Player was near to a dead battery, I wasn't really sure how much longer it was gonna last. Luckly though it lived throughout the whole day. However appearently we NOW need to bring passes everyday now, and those without one get ringed out by the bus driver for being irresponible.. Well, EXCUSE ME. A simple warning eariler would have been nice. Not only that, but I brought my pass everday for the first 4 months, FOUR MONTHS! And NOW they are checking those stupid things!? *mumble*

After that, school started. Which was when the real fun begun. For reasons unknown, all my make-up and work from the break was GONE. Lost, zilch, nadda(I even can't find any of it at home). Which is another reason why I hate homework on breaks. Even my binder was missing (which I actually did find later). So I had virtually nothing with me.

In first period we were suppose to finish watching a movie, which in fact never happened because everyone got bored of it. Giving the idea that showing it would be pointless. Which was probably the only movie that we will ever get that isn't a documentry. So instead we were introduced to a heavy presentation that will take up the next few days. Since we were given the whole day though, I hoped that get as much done as I could before the rest becomes homework.. However all the laptops were disconnected and took the whole period getting that straightened out -_-;. I think we had about 5-10 minutes to actually get anything done. So that day was pretty much shot.

Next period: Math. Was probably one of my better periods today. However even a little of bad luck shone on that as well. For once in my life that class has actually given us something that I actually CAN'T understand. Which is really a bizarre thing for me, since I can figure math out very well. Not this time though. And no matter what it still confuses the hell out of me. Which makes it impossible to complete my homework for that, but I did try.. sorta.. But I know it's wrong.

Didn't get out of math until a few minutes late. Which those quick minutes can matter everything in the world. Due to that I had to deal with brunch line from hell -_-. Brunch has become my official eatting time. If I miss it I'm a goner. Because I have PE right after the normal lunch. In which spends mostly of the time running around. Like the swimming rule: You shouldn't swim if you ate less than a hour ago. Same goes for running. However due to the horrible lines and people cutting that fuel my rage to kill everyone, it took longer to eat. In fact was never even able to finish it. Which can also kill me for the rest of the day.

Enviromental Science. Meh. Strangely nothing too evil happened there..

Journalism. I hate that class in general. Had I known what I was up against, I would have NEVER signed up. I was hoping a bit more freedom. Such as writing in my own articles or layout design. However they want to control every little aspect. Instead it's more like "Use this layout design(in which NO ONE had any say except for about 3-4 people) for the this yearbook page, take pictures of such-and-such, do an interview on that person and turn it all in next week" x.x;. Not my idea of journalism. Especially since I didn't even want to do the yearbook at all. Even more so when all my suggestions for certain ideas got completely walked over. Bah.

Lunch. Since I don't eat I just wander about harassing certain people i know.. I wouldn't really call them friends.. Especially that ONE person who just makes me sick. I'll save that rant for later though. I can't even describe how much I loathe some of them, even though they are the only things close to 'friends' I got at that school. Also appearently one of my teachers strangely knew that I was going to be leaving for independant studies. However she also wasn't too happy about it and complained how I'll probably get farther behind in classes. Oh yes, that certainly brought confidence to my heart...

PE. Field was wet so we only walked track the whole period. Which I was thankful for, I actually love to walk. Plus it was good for the condition I was in.

Last period: English. Horrible, since that was the class I had tons of work for. Which somehow all went missing. Also severly behind in my reading. To tell the truth, I love to read, but detest reading novels or things close to that. I can't stand it, just sitting in one place reading all day. Not my idea of pleasurefulness, no matter how good the story is. Same even goes for playing games nonstop or watching a series. I just hate doing that.... *icy glare at Ven*....



Finally, home. Only for more bad luck. Dan *coughpromisedcough* that he would WAIT for when I got home and do a pizza run. Sure enough, I get ditched and he goes off with David instead about 15-30 minutes before I got home. Considering all the other crap that happened to me today, that was the only thing I was looking forward to. And even that was thrown down the drain. Well, I eventually got to go. But it took forever.

Since then though, everything seems to want to break randomly. DVD player 'broke'. I got up from sitting on asofa and about 4-5 garden pots with plants in them fell to the ground behind it. I went in my room and one of my shelves randomly wanted to clasped. I wouldn't be surprised if I was to get angry and make a vase or something made from glass spontaneously combust at this rate... Maybe I've grown a form telekinesis...


At this point I'm almost afraid to move, since it might trigger off more bad luck.

Glad to get more of that out of my system I suppose.. Again, I was having a crappy day as it was.. And things were just making it worse for me. I'm trying, really. But it's just that I don't feel like I'm getting the chance. I need a high place to start from if I want to fly. There's been some good news lately though about that actually. Which I might talk about later.

Today was appearently the start of the great seagull wars. I'm starting to really hate those buzzards. I swear though, there had to be over a thousand of them. The whole sky was covered. And right after that we had to go to the field. Sure enough, there was probably another 2-3 hundred seagulls laying around taking up a third of the field, that's right, a huge flock of them. And then some idiot had to run over there and spook them out -_-*... Baka at it's finest. Nothin' like having hundreds of seagulls flying straight at you. Each one a possible bomber. Of course the likelyhood of one actually getting you is like 1/a million. Still, it's not the best thing to be right under a hundred of them.

I've also realised I dislike this coke. It's too bitter tasting. Or I'm just really used to sweeter sodas/soft drinks now.

Got 2 more OSTs: Disgaea and Xenogears (which at first I thought it was Xenosaga, but it's just as good.. Xenogears has some awesome music in it too). So I need to burn those now. Which I might do today. Actually I'm quite surpised in the Disgaea one. There was quite a few I really liked. Alot I already knew from playing. But probably about 15% I didn't recall hearing. Or my mind is just going. Then again most were just vocals and were than likely endings I just never gotten (since I'm missing about 3 of them). One of them reminds me of something from Nightmare Before Chirstmas, *imagines a Disgaea spin-off of that(or the Grinch)* XD. Gah, I want to play that game again now.. Probably new file. Since I realised I made some stupid mistakes in the beginning and would take a long time to fix. But that's true with almost any game you haven't played before and wasn't sure of what was good to do and not. I didn't learn the godliness of transmirgating characters was until it was sorta too late >.<.

I'm getting very sick of my school again. I can only dream of the day I can finally live that nuthouse (not pun intended if I was going to the other school, heh). Once again it seems like everyone and their dead grandmother is against me -_-. I should get more say in what I want to do. Especially when I was the first one to request it. Like the whole damn therapy thing. I went there out of curiousity. Now I'm practically being forced. Isn't there some type of law saying I can't go see a doctor if I don't consent it? And now people aren't letting me go to home school due to "lack of social skills". Bull crap I say. Not my fault everyone IRL treats me like shit in some way.

I'm just sick of it all. Sick of undependant people. Sick of being accused of lying. Sick of not being trusted. Sick of having to wait till break(if I was to even do home school). Sick of being the youngest. Sick of my mom. Sick of my other relatives. Sick of being always assumed to have low social skills. Sick of being critized in every single way. Sick of everyone at school. Sick of not finding somebody I can even trust. Sick of disappointment. Sick of being blamed. Sick of therapy. Sick of everything.



Oh yeah.. In other news I finally gots my stuff. The FMA scroll and the awesome chibi-fied Saiyuki poster XP. There goes all my spending money.. sigh.

*clings on to the nearest heavy object*

YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO BACK THERE!! I REFUSE TO ENTER THAT HELL HOLE AGAIN DESPITE IT'S ONLY FOR ONE DAY!! I'LL BE GOOD HONEST!! *insert 10 gonks*


...... Stupid educational laws.... there should be a law against them... looks like I'm gonna be staying up late tonight... ugh...


Heh, I joined fm_alchemist now.. Just to fuel my "fangirlism" some more.... ahh.


I need a new avatar... hmm..

Heh, well, you see, funny thing happened for the afterschool thing... Umm.. I attempted to play the cd. Then for reasons unknown the laptop self combusted and spewed out nuclear waste. So now we are three-headed mutants using plastic wooden nail filers as feet =P. Nah, it worked eventually, after the sacrificial voodoo ritual using unborn children.. it was fun ^_^. Except that one guy kept pissing me off by trying to be a know-it-all >_>.. Still trying to think up of a method to get through the series fast yet still get people to see it. Actually I let someone borrow it today (I have another copy of that cd anyway).. Maybe I'll let some people borrow them. Because there's some people that I want to see it, and I can possibly corrupt them XP.

Sigh, such boredom.. Gonna have to think of something to keep me busy the next 2 days. Only 3 more battles in Phantom Brave till I "beat it". Then I can finally get the Disgaea characters =P. Which will be strange, having to fight them and all. I'm still wondering how that's all gonna tie in with the story. I have a few hunches, but still uncertain...

Perhaps I should watch more Fruits Basket.. hmm...