The odds are stacking up..

[grifstar]

I just can't take this anymore. I try to take a few steps forward but everyone just piles up on me and drags me back to where I started. Everything I do is just pointless.. Pointless, pointless, pointless.. But now I'm at the point where I can't really go back. I'm tred of taking orders from other people. And having to rely on some stupid laws.

Why do I bother living when appearently my wishes aren't wanted? Even when they are right out there and very hard to miss... When appearently I cannot be trusted with them.

Yanno, maybe I should just kill myself.. If I'm just a big fat failure and waste money... If that's how people see me then so be it. Everyone would be so much happier then. And lucky me I would be dead to not feel any of that pain at all. Just empty blackness. Better than dispair..

Comments

[grifstar.livejournal.com]

heh... I needed that..... I think....

horrible days can do bad things to you I suppose. Then again, I been having more like horrible weeks and what feels like months.. More mom fights. It just seems like everything I do I turn out being the "bad guy" and then get put down in the horriblest ways. To the point where I just feel lower than dirt. That I'm just the burden to everything. Which makes me feel like nonexisting.. I'm vertiually afraid of her actually. Afraid to say anything. Because everything will be used against me and then it will just shatter any hopes I have. Which is why I like to hide myself. Can't fuel that fire that way.

I do admit that I have been acting kinda greedy.. Maybe more in the past than now.. Now I just want to repay for all I have done. But I just can't. Because the method I'm trying to go for appearently is making the situation worse. And sitting around ain't helping either.