Pipedreams

Stupid mom making me feel gulity again.. and she wonders why I hate her.. Or why I question if she even likes me. Well, if she keeps making me feel like the badguy that should be blamed for everthing then of course.

I've developed a bad habit to lie to her, about how I feel. Which is the source of most problems I have now. Part of the reason was because it seemed like everything that I said, to her sounded stupid. And now after trying to describe myself to her(from earlier months ago too), that situtation seems to pop up. That everything I want in life, my goals, my wishes, all pointless and just pipedreams, impossible to achieve no matter what. That I won't be something special and just be a nobody. I thought parents are suppose to suport their child no matter what? Instead of scattering their hopes. Dammit, at time like this I wish I was an orphan.. I'd rather have no family than one that hates what I really feel. I'm now getting teary again too, stupid emotions..

I just cause trouble to everyone, let's face it. I shouldn't exist, everything would be better then -_-