I probably do deserve a slap to the face...

[grifstar]

So yeah... I'm pretty sure I just royally pissed a certain someone off. A very awesome, cool, and special someone. I sort of wish there was some way to get ahold of them, but then again I'd probably be too afraid to really say anything. And if I did it'd probably only sound like some pathetic "don't hate me because I'm just a victim" speech.

... It's the truth where ever I go, actually. I find someone, I think they're cool, I try hanging out with them a couple times and start liking them even more; and then it either splits into 1) "O-oh, I see... you're sort of like this to everyone then... *scoots off to the side and starts feeling less special* ._.", and/or 2) There's always that other Bestest Best Friend they got that they got and probably enjoy being around more than me, because afterall they spent so much more time together and I shouldn't come between Person A and Person B. And so I get(or feel) shun out eitherway. And when I "do" start feeling determined and refused to give up, I generally try way too hard and pretty much feel like a kicked puppy at the end and that person probably never wants to see again.


...... Is it REALLY that much of a crime, to get even the tinyest bit jealous over someone because you never once had a friend that was practically ALWAYS there for you, and yet they did? And to MAYBE get a tiny bit possessive becuase you want that SO BADLY even though you know it's completely a lost cause?

It doesn't matter where I go, even IRL friendships I've had. I'm never quite the "best" friend, but rather the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, "dumb follower"(aka: Why am I even here?). Whenever and if I get a mental breakdown I pretty much had nothing or no one to cry on. I've come to find the only thing I'm good for for everyone is just making them laugh, and even then I'm not good enough. And if I can't it's much a "Oh well, forget you"



So, I'm done mindlessly venting and emoing. If you need me I'll just be hiding in my little dark cave, population only me. You're all welcome to come but I doubt anyone will...

Comments

[arivess.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[grifstar.livejournal.com]

..... ;__;

*s-snuggles*



((EDIT: Totally off topic but... I didn't know you had a Demon Diary icon~ =O *gasps*))

[arivess.livejournal.com]

*petpetpets*

((I have another one, too. I'm just too lazy to sign in to use it.))

[grifstar.livejournal.com]

*purrs* ._....

((oh~? ))

[arivess.livejournal.com]

((Yeah, Eclipse.))

[grifstar.livejournal.com]

((Nice~ <3 *luffs him* ))

[arivess.livejournal.com]

((He's pretty.))

[grifstar.livejournal.com]

((... w-well, I won't deny it, h-he is.. =D;; ))

[arivess.livejournal.com]

((XD He iiiiiis~))

[grifstar.livejournal.com]

((X3;;;


.... crap, I'm being bombard by IMs and other stuff now. ))

[arivess.livejournal.com]

^^

[grifstar.livejournal.com]

.... I luffs j00 all~... ;______;

[arivess.livejournal.com]

Aw. *hug*

[grifstar.livejournal.com]

*HUGS BACK* <3!!

[arivess.livejournal.com]

<3~

[grifstar.livejournal.com]

*licks*

... ^^;;;

[arivess.livejournal.com]

XD;

[shirato]

*hugs and loves* ;____; ♥

[crimsonspiral.livejournal.com]

Aw. >.<
So much love in here, geez.
I think you should talk to them...if there's that kind of misunderstanding going on, it might just be easier to get them alone and talk it out with them.

Sorry, but just have to comment.

[anguisel.livejournal.com]

Scooch over in that cave cause you're not the only one that has that problem! A little info on me:
I used to live in Cheyenne, WY where I had people that understood me in a way. Not really friends I would say but people who knew I was intelligent and goofy. Then the parents decide when I'm 12 to say 'OMFG you need to know the rest of the family' and move to Arizona. Up there, the whole social status stuff really didn't matter but down here, oh god. If you're not a cheerleader, a skater girl, or of Mexican heritage, you're not worth the time of day. Not to mention the fact that in a small town, piss one person off that knows people and they all shun you. Guess what I did. ^^ And that was around 5 years ago. And the see the family thing? Yeah, once every year despite the fact that some of the family only lives 20 minutes away.
Anywho, don't worry about it. Honestly, it's not worth it to emo over it. There are people out there that care about you, be it immediate family or not, and that's all that matters. If a person pushes you awau just because they knew friend a longer, then they might not be the right person to be friends with anyway.

[grifstar.livejournal.com]

;____; ♥

[grifstar.livejournal.com]

*sigh* I would... unfortunately I haven't seen them since it happened ._.;. I think they're trying to just ignore everyone and... *siiiigh*

[grifstar.livejournal.com]

D: *hugglehuggle* I didn't really think so many people would actually respond to this, but it makes me happy~ ;o;

I was pretty much the same thing in school too. I just.. never fitted into any stereotypes, and so I was pretty much ignored by everyone. And when I did meet someone who seemed even the slightest bit intelligent or was into something I like, they were WAY into that stereotype that I just couldn't stand it. Which normally was the "I only watch anime that's on tv, dubbed, or overall uberly popular. And I only love EVERY UBERLY USED anime cliche", the "Total Ren!faire geek", or the "I try to be cool and unique by doing what everyone else does. Which includes listening to songs about death and destruction, talking about how the world sucks, and just absolutely love violence for no real reason.. And there's style better than being a Hot Topic product placement"...... And each and every one of them just totally pissed me off.


So.. yeah, I get more attached to people online for that reason. Because really, everyone I've met IRL either are total losers, or pretty much have no personality whatsoever. I mean.. sure, there's a couple of "awesome" people I like IRL, but if anything I can only have small talk with them. Whereas online, I pretty much need attention or praise constantly, or else I start getting a little paranoid or depressed. Beause it's really my only resort left. Otherwise I feel unneeded or wanted by everyone... And it's even WORSE if somehow got someone angry, especially if my attention seeking habits was the thing that did it ._.;

And it's just... I really don't know. I was mainly just venting. *sigh~* .___.;;

[anguisel.livejournal.com]

*lushes in the huggleness* Of course we'd respond! We wouldn't friend you if we didn't care. \^.^/

I know what you're talking about. I have a cousin who's constantly 'reinventing' herself to fit in with what's popular. Right now I believe she's the girl that gets killed in the first ten minutes of a slasher film phase. I could be wrong. She might be in the bootybutt phase....

It wasn't so much that I didn't fit in, it was more of not really caring about mantaining a friendship with people. The phone works both ways type of thing. Though, the first person I made 'friends' with down here decided to stop talking to me because she didn't like my voice. o.0 So I usually don't bother IRL or online unless someone asks to be friends.

All in all, just don't worry about it too much. That's who you are and that's who you'll always be. If people can't understand it then that's more of a personal blemish on their side, not your own. And that's the concept of having a journal as well. To vent so we release all that bad jujus (the black icky ones that tend to stick to the side of the box) and become a little stronger inside. Everyone does it so don't think too deeply on it okay?

[fufuberrysoda.livejournal.com]

About the same.

Except for the past... um. Six-ish? years I only have one IRL friend. We talk like. Every four + months. She plans to do something. I wait. She never comes. She never calls. We plan again. Eventually something happens. I end up paying for her and me because I'm so desperate to be liked/have company.

Then I wait another four months to see her again.