More Grif rants
Nov. 26th, 2004 09:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grifstarI kinda want to also take this time to YET explain myself some more.. My view on life, yadda yadda, all that good stuff. But that's the main purpose of this journal anyways.. aside from keeping record of what happens each day.
I'm getting really sick of taking advantage over people, or how ever way you want to word it. Which is probably the sole reason why everything should be my fault. Because I been always "babied" by other people and then they are the ones sticking thier necks out too far. And for what? What reason do they have to do it? What reason do I have to on the top of the totem pole? But that's the reason I probably never ask help either, why bother? People already suffer enough from me, no point in making it worse.
Yet strangely it seems like whenever I do try to support myself with something, I get rejected in some way. Not good, stupid, could be better. I've gotten criticized for everything I've done. Then what DO I have to live for then? It's funny really, I used to try so hard to be "good" at something. Yet nobody seemed to approve of it. There's always some flaw that made it horrible, that made everyone hate it. So, I got to the point of not even trying. Since trying takes so much more work, and seem to gain the same feedback when I don't try. Then I'm better not trying entirely. That's pretty much how I been taught growing up... Thank you world, I love you so.
Blah, love.. I'm starting to hate that word.... Not to sound like Laharl there. But seriously. What's the point of it? Pretty much all the "love" I've gotten doesn't seem real. Which makes me wonder if such a like really does exist. If so, I haven't felt it. Kindness, from some yes(but even that can sometimes be questionable), but not love. More like "forced love" if you ask me.
I'm also getting really sick of people telling me to "grow up"/"act more my age"... Oh, so you want me to be an annoying cheerleader girl which the memory span of a goldfish and that's probably gonna be getting STDs 1-2 years from now? Oh yes, that's certainly mature *rollseyes*.
Ah yes, friendship. Another subject I keep getting beatened on. I find friendship the same equivalent as crushes. Some stupid "attractment" with somebody that goes away after awhile. Usually ending with some conflict to the point where you both hate each other's guts. So meh, I personally see no point in that either. But I do know some kewl people here and there, heh.
So meh.. I don't trust people... people don't really seem to trust me... the feeling is neutral. If people treat me nicely, I respect them and treat them the same. If not, I dislike and we be easily annoyed be them. Basically it's how people view me is how I view them. However there comes a time where I hate getting too much attention. Which I know several people getting to that point >_>...
I guess I really am an Ed in some way... now if you excuse me I need to have my limbs cut off XP
I'm getting really sick of taking advantage over people, or how ever way you want to word it. Which is probably the sole reason why everything should be my fault. Because I been always "babied" by other people and then they are the ones sticking thier necks out too far. And for what? What reason do they have to do it? What reason do I have to on the top of the totem pole? But that's the reason I probably never ask help either, why bother? People already suffer enough from me, no point in making it worse.
Yet strangely it seems like whenever I do try to support myself with something, I get rejected in some way. Not good, stupid, could be better. I've gotten criticized for everything I've done. Then what DO I have to live for then? It's funny really, I used to try so hard to be "good" at something. Yet nobody seemed to approve of it. There's always some flaw that made it horrible, that made everyone hate it. So, I got to the point of not even trying. Since trying takes so much more work, and seem to gain the same feedback when I don't try. Then I'm better not trying entirely. That's pretty much how I been taught growing up... Thank you world, I love you so.
Blah, love.. I'm starting to hate that word.... Not to sound like Laharl there. But seriously. What's the point of it? Pretty much all the "love" I've gotten doesn't seem real. Which makes me wonder if such a like really does exist. If so, I haven't felt it. Kindness, from some yes(but even that can sometimes be questionable), but not love. More like "forced love" if you ask me.
I'm also getting really sick of people telling me to "grow up"/"act more my age"... Oh, so you want me to be an annoying cheerleader girl which the memory span of a goldfish and that's probably gonna be getting STDs 1-2 years from now? Oh yes, that's certainly mature *rollseyes*.
Ah yes, friendship. Another subject I keep getting beatened on. I find friendship the same equivalent as crushes. Some stupid "attractment" with somebody that goes away after awhile. Usually ending with some conflict to the point where you both hate each other's guts. So meh, I personally see no point in that either. But I do know some kewl people here and there, heh.
So meh.. I don't trust people... people don't really seem to trust me... the feeling is neutral. If people treat me nicely, I respect them and treat them the same. If not, I dislike and we be easily annoyed be them. Basically it's how people view me is how I view them. However there comes a time where I hate getting too much attention. Which I know several people getting to that point >_>...
I guess I really am an Ed in some way... now if you excuse me I need to have my limbs cut off XP
